When the vision doesn’t come to pass

I might have shared this before. Pardon me for becoming an old person who repeats stories. Stick with me, I have a point. 

The vision for MindBodySoul was born in 2005. I still have my journal where I wrote it down. That vision became my purpose. My guiding light. Even though big changes like getting married, having children, becoming a foster mom; the vision remained. 

I felt creating that studio was my purpose. I lived it and breathed it. Around 2013 I started having strong pulls to transmit concepts and ideas that were beyond where to place your body in a yoga pose. That pull kept getting stronger but there was a tension. MBSY was thriving and growing and demanded a fair amount of my attention. And of course, so did my family (also thriving and growing). 

And my vision was still going strong. I recall after an advanced breathwork training in February 2020, after everyone left, I locked the doors I stood in White Tara and I acknowledged the full creation of my vision. I cried. 

Everything I had envisioned had come to pass. 

And then it dissolved. 

(As things do.)

Have you ever heard of the book “Are You My Mother?”.  Little bird leaves the nest and encounters all sorts of beings asking, “are you my mother?”.

Replace the word “mother” with the word “purpose” and that was 2021.

I spent most of the year searching for my purpose. If you read my words every week, you may have noticed that. 

The call to teach remained strong. The questions thrummed in my mind “what am I teaching?”, “what is the purpose of my teaching?”, “what is my vision?”

“WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?”

(Intense, I know. I’m working on that.)

So I forged forward with the unshakeable optimism of an entrepreneur. 

(I mean, I am who I am.)

Nourish…are you my purpose?

Transform…are you my purpose?

Inward…are you my purpose?

Vision => Manifest…are you my purpose?

No. No. No. No.

I ended 2021 in a state of confusion and frustration and a house full of Covid cooties.

(There was really nowhere to go but UP.)

I began 2022 in the quiet space of reflection and prayer.. 

What would you have me do? What would you have me say? To Whom?

I am deeply, deeply (yes, two deeplys) uncomfortable without a purpose or a vision. So I sat with this discomfort. And I sat. And I sat. And I sat.

(I also watched all four Matrix movies and ate too many cookies).

I allowed myself to not know. I sat with my visions that did not come to pass the way I intended.

And I released them with the fullness of the moon.

My practice is connecting to my highest self so I did that as much as possible. 

I do things I love. 

I practice. I journal. I write to you. I walk every day. I do hill sprints (ok I don’t love those, but I love how I feel after), I cook fun meals. I watch The Ghost Whisperer with my girls at night. 

I truly relax. All day long.

And it occurred to me. 

This is my purpose. 

This connection to my highest self through rest, softness and simply enjoying life feels so good. 

When I’m rested and enjoying life it is so much easier to embody the highest consciousness in this body. 

My Spirit. My Soul. My Essence.

My Sacred Self. 

What if it were simple? What if connecting to my Sacred Self was my purpose? 

What if it is also yours?

What if our earthly-make-a-difference-in-the-world- purpose just radiated from that experience?

What if it was that simple? 

(I suspect it is). 

I no longer am seeking my purpose. I simply desire resting in my Sacred Self.

And I want to do that with you. Let us rest together.