How to access the Sacred Self when we are suffering.

Who is this Sacred Self I keep mentioning? 

It is…

The quiet voice within you that whispers “you got this” when you feel lost.

The soft space within you that feels deep compassion and love for yourself.

The quiet place in between the thoughts. The expansive feeling in the center of your chest.

The gentle voice that forgives and forgets. 

The relaxed fist that releases resentments.

The mind, free of judgements. 

The vibration within you that is free of patterns and conditioning that keeps you feeling stuck.

That consciousness within you that knows you are perfect, this moment is perfect and all is well.

Then what do we do then, when…

We doubt ourselves.

We berate ourselves, second guess ourselves and quietly abuse ourselves.

We blame and shame ourselves.

We feel confused, trapped and unworthy.

We see the negative in all situations.

We feel heavy, foggy, depressed and completely disconnected from any idea of a Sacred Self.

Can you relate? 

The last several years have been a crash course in suffering. Experiencing it, witnessing it and wanting to change it. The experience of feeling powerless, frustrated, confused and tired is frequent. Hope, a little less so. 

I have grasped on to all sorts of things to numb the feeling of suffering. The list is long. None worth mentioning because none of it worked.

Only one thing has worked. I call it connecting to my Sacred Self. 

 It looks like this:

I am experiencing doubt and anxiety. The story in my mind is convincing (truly, things are going to shit) and my body is contracting. I feel small, inconsequential and wrong in every way.

I use this feeling of pain as an alarm clock. I pause. I connect with the small part of me that sees this is just an experience of my mind. I immediately connect with my breath. I feel my breath enter my body. I feel it leave my body. I stay with the sensation of my breath and I speak to myself as I would speak to my child. I love you. This will pass. Feel this fully and allow yourself to be uncomfortable. All is well. 

I have my heart set on something and it doesn’t work out. The feeling of failure and disappointment surge in quickly followed by berating and second guessing - so much so it becomes a form of self abuse. 

I eventually notice I am doing this. I pause. I immediately connect with my breath and rise above my thoughts. I watch and feel my breath as it moves in my body. I give my body my full attention. I feel my fingers and toes, I feel my hands and feet, arms and legs. I breathe fullness into my entire torso and feel where the tension lives. I forgive myself. I shift my internal dialogue to love mode. I tell myself I will be okay and I'm here to learn. So what am I learning? Be kinder to myself; this is my lesson. I ask myself what I need and I give it to myself. Unapologetically.

I made a mistake. It’s a big one. I feel ashamed and angry at myself. I can’t let it go. I keep playing it over and over in my mind. My self blame is loud. My shame is palpable. I feel heavy sad and embarrassed.

Eventually I become aware of my self blame and shame. It is not so obvious immediately because the story I am telling myself about it is convincing. But when I become aware, I pause. I use my breath as a doorway to the space in between the thoughts. This space where I can access an aerial view. A space where I see my humanity and my sweet heart. A space where I can believe there are no mistakes, just lessons. A space where I see myself as a 10 year old child that is doing her best. I can forgive this 10 year old child. This child is me. I soothe the child within me: it is okay. You are okay. Everyone makes mistakes. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I wonder if you noticed the thread in these three examples. 

The pause. 

As soon as we become aware of how we are feeling and what we are saying to ourselves inwardly, pause. In this moment we shift from being immersed in an experience of suffering to being able to observe our suffering with some detachment. This is a vital step in accessing our Sacred Self. 

The breath. 

The magical door. For real. Watching and feeling our breath creates a physiological calming effect. It also opens the heart allowing the experience of self compassion, self forgiveness and self love to be more accessible. 

The redirect.

Treat yourself like you would treat your child, your best friend, your furry soulmate or anyone whom you love. This takes practice. Be patient.