Strengthening vs. healing

Jul 9

In Nourish next month we are focusing on the theme Strengthening Vs. Healing.

The wellness industry (of which I am a part, I know) will have you believe that you are in need of infinite, never-ending healing. There is always something to improve, to refine and to conquer.

It can be exhausting.

Many years ago, my teacher Kerry suggested I reframe “healing” to “strengthening”. I am not healing a trauma, I am strengthening my resilience. I am not healing an emotional wound, I am strengthening my capacity to feel difficult emotions.

When we experience our strength, sometimes we feel weak. Like being in plank pose for 2 minutes. You ache. You shake, You tremble and bitch and moan. You feel weak. You struggle. But you are in plank pose for TWO MINUTES. That is strong. Not weak. Yet we don’t experience it that way. We believe ourselves to be weak.

And it is not true.

Another teacher of mine, Jesse, offered me a gorgeous analogy that takes this even farther:

The Island, The Raft, and Your Desire

Imagine you are stranded on a deserted island. There is no food on the island and the creatures that are living there think you are the food. You are unsafe and constantly fearing imminent attack. You are hungry and are fearing for your very life. You dream of safety. Of other people being around you. You dream of being home and safe and fed and nourished.

And then a life raft appears on the beach. You get in and row away from the island. As you sail away you see sharks under the water and you become convinced that they are about to attack you. You are scared but you are clever! You keep your body out of the water but begin to build a net from the seaweed you can grab on the water’s surface. You are able to catch some small fish but the supply is inconsistent so you store the fish in your pile of seaweed to save for later. The system works. It keeps you safe and fed.

Your dream comes true. You make it land. You land on a beach and people pull you to shore. You are saved! They give you food and wrap a blanket around you. You are safe. But you don’t feel safe for long.

After not too long you begin to wonder how you will get a job to support yourself after being on a deserted island for so long. You fear no one will hire you. You distrust people and situations. You are constantly afraid to be hungry and begin to hoard food and coupons. You become obsessed with hoarding food. You fear people are out to get you or injure you in some way so you stay locked up in your house. You live this way for the rest of your days.

We have three elements to this story.

The Island.

The Raft.

The Dream

In this analogy; the Island is our past. The bad thing that happened that left its mark on us. The Island is our trauma.

The Raft is how we coped when we got out of danger. The raft represents our beliefs, our roles, our programs and our conditioning that all exist to help us to feel safe. To transport us out of harm's way and into safety.

The Dream is true safety. It is a consciously lived life. A fully realized life. The Dream is wholeness. The dream is the realized awareness that we are Spiritual Beings having a human experience and we are whole and pure exactly as we are. The Dream is living our life the way we intend.

Most of us struggle to fully get out of our life rafts. We are safe and comfortable there. We create systems of beliefs and behaviors (such as hoarding fish in seaweed) that are meant to keep us safe. But they keep us small.
And they are meant to be temporary. Your life raft was meant to transport you from the trauma of the past to the dream you are dreaming for yourself. You are not meant to live on your life raft. You are meant to let this life raft deliver you to where you want to go. And then you honor and release this life raft. For it saved you. Its job is complete and now it is time to release it.

What most humans are strengthening is the ability to let go of the life raft. A crucial part of that process is the acknowledgment and appreciation of the raft's role in our lives. Bless it and send it on its way.

And this is not a one-and-done thing. We are constantly given opportunities to get out of our life rafts. We have life rafts for everything. Relationships. Money. Our vocation. Family. Our bodies. You name it, there’s a life raft for it.