Intentional Living | Managing Expectations
“Create an intention for your life and let go of how it may come to pass. ”
Expectations: one of the root causes of suffering
Expectations are a tricky thing.
Many spiritual philosophies, including yoga, say that our expectations are among the root causes of our suffering.
And if we dig a little deeper, we find truth in that.
We expect things to go well, and they don't. And we suffer.
We expect a particular result from our work, and we don't receive it. And we suffer.
We expect a certain response or reaction to our communications, and we don't receive it. And we suffer.
The suffering is mental. We resist, we push and pull inside our minds, we engage with negative self-talk. We do all sorts of things.
Humans are interesting like that.
How to deal with expectations
But what if we shift our lens just a little?
We don't need to overhaul our entire thought system or drop expectations immediately (which would be like dropping sugar, coffee, and Netflix all in one day, cold turkey).
What if we simply observed?
In all situations, observe what our expectations are.
What are we expecting to come from this action? What are we expecting to have in our lives? Can we observe expectations as thought experiences and redirect the attention to the breath?
I have found this practice, simple as it is, to be life-changing.
My personal experience with expectations
In early February 2020, Steve said to me, "This is becoming a pandemic. You should figure out how to take your entire business online."
I remember looking up from my phone and staring at him incredulously. My body tightened, my head got fuzzy.
The idea of it was, at that moment, a non-starter. No freaking way.
My initial reaction was resistance. NO. I don't want that. That would be hard. I could lose my business.
"Don't even say that," I replied while my stomach sank and my chest tightened. "That would be horrible."
But I did observe that inner reaction. My own word "horrible" got my attention. I remember thinking, "horrible things happen," and breathing into that.
I watched my breath and felt my anxiety and resistance. I felt fear. I felt it and OBSERVED it.
My observation loosened the fear’s grip on me.
Thank you, Amen.
My life now is unrecognizable from that early February morning. I learned more than I can share in one sitting.
But one lesson stands out. I knew it intellectually before, but now I know it in my cells.
The difference between expectation and intention.
While expectation has a result associated with it (often specific), intention is more of a guiding light.
While the details of what I expected my life to look like are not what I envisioned, the experience of my life is EXACTLY as I intended.
I had to let go of all of my attachments to how I thought things should be to see that. Because all that mental noise of resistance clouds out the present moment. It clouds REALITY.
And the reality is, I am teaching, writing, creating, and coaching full time.
I work from home and can be present for my kids, who need me - this period of time has not been kind to tween and teen girls.
Intention creates our life experiences.
Expectations are simply us trying to control specifically what those experiences will be.
And we are not in control. So let's not even try to be.
Create an intention for your life and let go of how it may come to pass.
Enjoy the ride; it's a short one.
Love,
Alyssa
PS:
Just because we are not in control doesn't mean we don't take action. We don't have to be passive participants. We can be conscious creators.
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