It took me forty-seven years to learn what is true
It is my forty-seventh birthday today.
My daughters and I were talking about getting older the other day. Amanda could not believe she was ALMOST twelve because just yesterday it felt like she was ten. I agreed.
Lily asked me what it felt like to be forty-seven. Does it feel different than being eight or twelve or twenty?
It was a thoughtful question because while I don’t FEEL forty-seven, I don’t feel twenty either.
How does forty-seven feel different than all these other ages I have been?
My body feels and is different. Same with the contents of my mind.
When I was eight, twelve, twenty, thirty...I was my body and my mind. There was no separation and it was a problem. How I looked to others used to define who I was. My daily thoughts steered my experience because I believed them to be true.
The biggest difference between being forty-seven and any other age I’ve been thus far is that now I am less inclined to believe every thought that enters my mind.
I am prone to anxious thoughts. Because anxiety is often accompanied by physical sensations, the thoughts become very convincing. I learned a protocol from Byron Katie's, The Work that I wanted to share with you.
When you are having a thought or a belief that is recurring or you have noticed is automatic, ask yourself the following questions:
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it is true?
How do you react when you believe that thought or story?
Who would you be without that thought or story?
I’ll give you an example of how I’ve used this. I have an old belief that being successful means being busy and overwhelmed.
So, here I am in the middle of feeling busy and overwhelmed. And the thought comes: in order to succeed at this, I need to not practice yoga, not meditate, not eat lunch, not meet a friend in order to write a blog, do cash flow, create a marketing plan, pay bills.
I ask the questions:
Is this true?
Yeah, it feels true.
Can I absolutely know that it is true?
Well, no, not absolutely.
How do I feel when I think this thought or have this belief?
Tight. It feels like there is a vice around my head. My heart races and I feel like crying.
Who would I be without this belief or thought?
More spacious in my mind, calmer, and more relaxed.
I’ve gotten good at listening to my body. My mind can argue with itself, but my body NEVER lies. When my body is tense and I have that vice feeling in my head, this is my reminder to pause and connect with my breath.
My breath is true. My present moment is true.
There is no urgency. There is never any urgency. I have learned to accept this truth.
So, yeah, forty-seven feels different. It feels more spacious and free and grounded and powerful.
Yoga and meditation brought me there.
For these practices, I am forever grateful.
