I don't know

Last night when I was putting Lily to bed, she wanted to process the day with me. We hadn’t had the best of days and she, in particular, had a rough one. 

I told her, “It’s going to be okay.” She said, “How do you know that? How do you know it is going to be okay?”

I answered, “Because we’ve all had horrible days before and gotten through them. Everything changes.”

“Yeah, Mom. You can’t have good without bad, can you?”

Saving the concept of polarity for another time, that conversation got me thinking. 

How DO I know that everything is going to be okay?  Because lately, most of my thoughts have been about what I do not know.

I don’t know when I can see my parents again.

I don’t know what my kids will do all summer.

I don’t know when I’m going to open the studio.

When we do open, I don’t know yet what that will look like.

I don’t know when the next time rent will be paid.

This list could go on and on, but I’ll spare you. I know you have your own list of what you don’t know.

That unknowing is anxiety-provoking and scary. Where we are right now is scary. Because we don’t know what the future looks like. For many of us, this is the hardest time we have ever experienced. It is important to acknowledge that there is suffering happening. People are ill, and the struggle of the first responders is heartbreaking. 

There are also those who suffer from mental health issues, those who live alone and are isolated, those who struggle with addiction, those in caretaker roles, and parents with small and school-age children, who now have to balance their remote jobs with childcare and  homeschooling.

Suffering is suffering; for a million different reasons, this experience is hard on us all.

On the deepest levels possible, we are being asked to strengthen our practice relating to releasing control of our lives.  It's a spiritual concept, otherwise known as patience, surrender, and trust. These are heart-centered vibrations. If we can tap into them even a little, it reduces our suffering dramatically.

So I feel better when I invoke patience, surrender, and trust. But they aren’t what gives me certainty that we will be okay. 

Resilience does. 

I’ve not lived through a pandemic, but I've lived through financial stress and uncertainty. I’ve lived through unexpected devastating loss. I’ve lived through all sorts of muck and got back up. 

You likely have as well. And if you haven’t before, now is your time.

By God’s grace, you will live through it, and eventually be okay.