The weight of thoughts

I have had trouble managing my energy levels lately. I start the day pretty energetic but by 4pm, I am sagging. I’m trying to do all “the things,” you know?  But for some reason, I have been feeling weighed down.

And this morning, I realized why. I feel weighed down because I am not managing my consumption of information.

There is a lot of information out there. The election results relieved some worries but ignited others. Will NYC schools close again and when?  Will we have to go on lock down again and when? My curious mind searches for answers where there are none. So I keep scrolling and consuming, scrolling and consuming, scrolling and consuming.

I forget what I teach: everything that we see goes into our minds and gets absorbed in some way. If we can’t process it consciously, it gets stored subconsciously. And when information gets stored in our unconscious, it has weight in the form of fears, worries, and generalized anxiety.

Heavy.

Then there is daily life. Who’s in school today? Who is remote? Who’s driving and who is picking up? Is everyone up to date on their work?  Are they actually working on their computers or messing around?  How much do I really have to supervise? Isn’t it totally unhealthy for a 12-year old to be on the computer from 8am to 5pm with barely a break for lunch? Is my child getting the support she needs as dictated in her IEP? Who do I need to call?  How involved should I be when they are in seventh grade?  What’s too much and what's not enough?

Heavy.

Why am I sharing this?  

Because what is heavy in my experience, what is weighing me down, are my thoughts. One of the most powerful teachings I offer in teacher training is that we can observe our thoughts. We can detach and rise above them. And when we do that, they lose their weight. They lose their power.

I know this. I practice this. I teach this.  

And it is still hard. The world is LOUD. Life right now, at least for me, is LOUD. 

I feel tired and heavy and there you have it. 

So, what do we do?  When we are having a hard time, when we know why and have the skills to shift it, but still are having some trouble?  

Acceptance.

This is how I feel. This is my experience. I’m thinking too much and I know it. I’m consuming too much media right now and I know it. I am aware of what is going on with me and the heaviness I am experiencing around shifting it.

Compassion. 

I am doing my best. Even when I'm eating pretzels and hummus and an inappropriate amount of cheese right before dinner, I am doing my best. Even when (insert situation here), we are doing our best.

I’d love it if you could take a moment right now while reading this and love on yourself a bit. Put your hand on your chest and close your eyes. Tell yourself you are doing your best with what you have right now. This world is intense. We are immersed in swarms of energy coming at us from every direction. You are doing your best navigating a human experience unlike any human has experienced before.

In that spirit, we are warriors. We are experiencing, noticing, and softening. Over and over and over. Experience this world. Notice our experience, accept our experience, have compassion for our experience. Repeat.

This is my work right now. I share it with you with the hope that it serves you in some way in your life experience right now. 

Notice your consumption of information and how it affects you. Be tender with yourself. 

This too shall pass.