Can you stay out of your own story?

I’m sitting here at my parents’ house in Patchogue. The storm knocked out their power four days ago, food is going bad, the pool is green and murky, and my dad is wearing my mom’s shorts (Alzheimer’s styling). At least one dog in the house has cancer; the other is at the vet because he has mysteriously stopped eating and barking (his two favorite activities).

It is times like these when life cracks you wide open. That cracking is painful because a big knot of grief, anger, and frustration comes rising to the surface to be felt, acknowledged, and then, hopefully resolved.  

We all have our own stories of life cracking us wide open this year. The stories are many and they have one thing in common: immersing in them makes that big knot harder to unravel and resolve.  

Thinking about the source of our grief, anger, frustration, and disappointment is not the same as processing it. We have to get out of the story; this is the moment to remember our breath.

Bringing awareness to our breath pulls us out of the story. It lands us in the present moment. Feeling our inhales and exhales, feeling our bodies, and being in our bodies will simplify our experience in the now.

These situations can activate our life stories and make them seem very real. But they are not reality. It is our perception of reality filtered through that big knot of emotions.

Let me illustrate:

Situation: The storm knocked out power four days ago. 

Story/Perception: Holy shit, now this? It’s been four days. When will they fix this?  How long will this go on?  

Truth: We are safe and healthy right now.

Situation: Food is going bad.

Story/Perception: This is like throwing money out the window.  This is stressful. Do I have room in the budget for this? I can’t bear to throw out all this food. 

Truth: The food is in coolers and we are not hungry.

Situation: My dad is wearing my mom’s shorts (Alzheimer’s styling).

Story/Perception: He is regressing. This is getting worse. What is going to happen? How will this disease affect him? Our family?  

Truth: He’s perfectly comfortable in the shorts and is happily drinking coffee.

Situation: One dog in the house has cancer.

Story/Perception: This is unfair. She’s too young to die. I’m going to miss her so much. 

Truth: She is alive and perfectly comfortable right now.

When the mind drifts to your story, notice how that feels in your body. Notice how the story and your perceptions tighten your muscles, constrict your breath, and increase your heart rate and your blood pressure. 

Notice how the story overwhelms you to the point where your internal dialogue matches the emotions that are locked up. Anger, fear, frustration, and disappointment are dense emotions. They have weight. 

When you notice the weight of these thoughts and emotions, you can shift to your breath awareness.  You may then feel the emotions ready to burst. Let them burst. Feel your anger. Feel the heat and tension of it. Feel the urge to cry. Feel the grief and the sadness. 

Don’t engage the story. Stay in your body. Feel this moment now. See the trees, the flowers, the water. Feel the wind, the rain, the coolness, the warmth. The pool of emotions is never as deep as we fear it is. 

This is a practice. A constant life practice that gets easier the more we do it. The practice of yoga, meditation, and breath work lays the foundation to experience life challenges with greater consciousness and awareness. That brings peace amidst what may otherwise be perceived as chaos.

This is my practice these days. I hope it serves you in some way.