Love and Fear

I give a lot of attention to my personal mindset. My mindset dictates my experience in life and I want to have a good experience – so keeping my mind in check is a priority.

I've realized that there are two energies that steer my mindset. Love and fear.

Being in the energy of love is being in flow of life. We trust that everything is as it should be. We see the beauty in every situation.

When things are going smoothly – it is easy to approach the day in a space of love and trust. I mean, when things are going smoothly, whats not to love?

What happens when things don't go smoothly? When we don't get what we want when we want it? When things are hard?

In those times fear likes to get in the driver's seat and take control.

Fear is the absence of love. It shows us lack and limitation. It shows us all the things that can go wrong.

When fear is in the drivers seat of generating thoughts – our thoughts are those of lack and potential disasters. Our thoughts are anxious and negative.

And that does not lead to a good experience of life.

But what do we do? Shit happens. Not everything goes smoothy all the time because sometimes life is messy.

When things get messy I take that as an opportunity to double down on love and trust. I mean double down because it takes effort and attention. And surrender.

Case in point: We are trying to buy a house. It is a big deal for our family and we have been looking for a while. In the beginning of March we found the PERFECT house. Perfect in every single way. We fell in love, made an offer and the offer was accepted. We shook on it.

And 30 days later we still have no contract. We are unsure if the deal will happen. And while I'm sure we will find out one way or another soon – the few days of not knowing are stressful.

And fear is telling me to call the guy off the hook. Fear is telling me to FIND OUT RIGHT NOW WHAT IS GOING ON. Fear is telling me not to be patient. Fear is telling me how its all going to go wrong and I'm not getting my dream house. Fear tells me I'll never get my dream house.  Fear tells me I will forever have to share one bathroom with three daughters.

Fear is such a freaking bitch.

I'm experiencing with fear right now as I write this. I'm breathing into it, softening my shoulders and feeling it. Getting out of my head because my thoughts are not helpful (and they aren't true) and feeling it. Feeling the discomfort of my nervous belly. Feeling the tightness of my head and eyes. Feeling the shortness of my breath and the constriction of my heart.

Feeling it. The fear. Because if I deny fear she just gets louder. If I let her move through me she moves on. And then LOVE fills the space.

When love is in the space I have gratitude for everything I have right now. My beautiful, messy apartment that I gave birth to my daughter in. Our new puppy who we adopted from a rescue and are now realizing that she is probably half mastiff. My loving gorgeous husband whose priority is to make his family happy. My beautiful girls who bring joy and drama to me every day. My many, many friends who are always just a phone call or a glass of wine away. There is so much to be grateful for.

So it becomes a shift in what I focus on. Just writing that brief paragraph my breath got longer, my belly calmed and my heart softened.

Love pervades our being; fear is like an outer shell that can feel hard to penetrate. Gratitude is the force that dissolves that shell and lets Love shine.

So today – while I sit in in my unknowing about this house. I'll feel that fear if she shows up but I'll focus my mind on all the things I have to be grateful for.

And I'll let love take over.