How do we not “should” all over ourselves?

Things don’t always go well, as you know. I’m learning that how I respond to those things, really shapes my experience of them. So, now I want to share something that DID go well. 

This past weekend, I had the amazing opportunity to go to Kripalu. It was a Christmas gift from my husband. He gave me two full days away in Yoga Disney Land. 

I got to experience full days of classes, presentations, relaxation, getting centered and I got to just BE. 

The Friday before I left, I sat down with the schedule and charted out my entire weekend. I planned which class I would take, when I would eat, read, relax and sleep.  I practically put it on a spreadsheet.

Cuz I’m that way. Or rather, my unobserved mind is that way.

While on my scheduled guided hike, I was feeling tired and sore (because Friday I jumped back into my HIT workouts with Patricia). So, I started negotiating with myself.  

“Okay, so I don’t HAVE TO do both dance and yoga today. I could do just one. If I go to dance at noon, then I could skip yoga at 4. Or if I skip dance, then I really SHOULD make sure I go to yoga”.

Like a little ping pong ball, my mind went from negotiating with myself to noticing myself negotiating, to coming back to my breath and body. Negotiating - breath - negotiating - breath. 

Good times! :)

Then at one point the hiking leader brought us into meditation by the lake. She had us just stand and close our eyes and feel. She asked us to remember why we came to Kripalu that weekend. 

For me; the answer was space: Space in my schedule (oh the irony!) and my mind (more irony!!).

At that moment, a HUGE gust of wind came and just about knocked all of us over. Afterward, the leader invited us to share. One woman volunteered and said, “I came here for clarity of direction and then that wind came and I know it means something, I just don’t know what.”

A soft voice in my mind quietly said,  “Go where the wind takes you.”

As we began our walk back, I thought about the message I received, which seemed related to the woman who spoke. 

But then I realized the message was for me. 

My mind was so full of SHOULDs and HAVE TOs that I wasn’t feeling or listening to the current of the wind at my back. 

My body and mind were tired.  All I really wanted to do was lie down and read the book my friend Stacey Linden had lent me and watch Ancient Aliens on my phone (no judging we all have our quirks).  

So that’s exactly what I did. I did whatever I (mind, body and soul) truly wanted to do. There were no shoulds or have tos, just asking, “What do I want to do  right now? What do I need?” And then listening and obeying.

This is a deep practice for myself lately. Giving myself permission to do this in the midst of all the shoulds and have tos that feel so important. I do my best. I offer compassion to myself when life steers toward the “have tos.” 

But yoga?  Oh, yoga. If it weren’t for my practice, I would never have heard that small voice or had the wisdom to listen to it.

My prayer for you after this experience is:

May your yoga practice make your inner quiet voice louder. 

May your yoga practice ignite your inner wisdom so that you may listen to that voice.

May you keep your sense of humor and lightness about all of it.